Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have fence marks all over my body
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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