Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
