Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
