her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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