LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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