There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
