I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
