what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
