The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
