i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Houston, we have a blender
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
