I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
