You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
