it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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