so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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