I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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