So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
