so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
