Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
