I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
