I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
