i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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