Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
