We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
