Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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