She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
