why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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