I need to stop coming to work sober
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
