I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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