I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
