Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
