clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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