no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i love accidental penises.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
