I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
