dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
