but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
