my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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