hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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