shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
