Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
