dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
