When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
