I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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