Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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