is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
