i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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