Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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