i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
