I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
