this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
