im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
