I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
