You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
