so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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