he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
