Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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