Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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