Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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