I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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