one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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