theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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