after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
