i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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